I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
