There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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