I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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