At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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