i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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