The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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