"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
