You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
