I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
not ubering you a puppy
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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