Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
