i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
