mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
