I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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