I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
