this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Vodka?
Forever.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
