He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
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You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
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I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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