you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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