Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
