is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
