He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
