They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
