Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
