Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
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