areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just sucked dick on a ferry
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
