its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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