I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
