In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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