Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
