i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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