Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
