there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
