dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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