i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
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He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
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I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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