forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
