he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
