so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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