Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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