we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'm always down for nudity.
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