We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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