You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
