Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
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Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
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It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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