i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Found the puke drawer
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
