Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
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My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
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He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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