Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
