i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
