my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Actions speak louder than pants.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
