you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
