at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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