your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
