Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
