when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize