I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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