You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
