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• (248): View more from Michigan

  the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.

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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to

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• (305): View more from Florida

  Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.

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• (636): View more from Missouri

  Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night

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• (662): View more from Mississippi

  She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.

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• (623): View more from Arizona

  As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.

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• (903): View more from Texas

  This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.

  (254): View more from Texas

  Jealous?

  (903): View more from Texas

  Very.

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• (212): View more from New York

  Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.

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• (941): View more from Florida

  oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.

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• (601): View more from Mississippi

  Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.

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• (312): View more from Illinois

  Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.

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• (302): View more from Delaware

  On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!

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• (574): View more from Indiana

  Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....

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