Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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