he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
