Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
