this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
