I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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