I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
