Your tits are I can't wait for
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
