So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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