I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
