eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
