They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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