well I can't set my house on fire every night
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
porn star boner night. come get it.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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