I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
