my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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