i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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