You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
