You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
