Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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