Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
