tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
