Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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