Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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