As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
