I think I won the penis lottery.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
